Sunday, 6 October 2013

For my Soul-Sister, Preeti.

My Dearest loving Preeti, this song is for you and me, my sweet soul-sister. 

Listen to this song. Dwell on its words, the waves of music and the devotion of its Composer... there is profound grace in each word of this masterpiece. It has been stirring my soul since the first time I heard it. 
The thing that blows me away is its sheer beauty of melody, the meaning behind those words, J J (Ranbir's Character in the film)  and his simple heart and the depth of his passion for music... 

It reminds me of how much you have always been in tune with your inner soul- the sensitive, beautiful, ephemeral angel that you are. Since the first time we exchanged smiles at Nagindas in First Sem at SID, you have inspired and moved me beyond anything I can express in words... Your sketches, your Basic Design work, TRD Drawings and sheer will-power to overcome all the difficulties in your life was a lesson in survival. Having lost my mother a couple of months before I joined SID, I was raw, like someone skinned alive. Every emotion, every feeling was heightened by the sadness that in my life, at least, I would never be able to tell her, ever again, what she meant to me... She was my lifeline, and her loss weighs heavily on me to this day.... Such a loss can only make a person stronger, IF they can survive it, but in all my naked honesty, I tell you today that in those first two sems, everyday, it looked very unlikely ... 

My heart was drawn to you and Krishna Ma'am, for her blessing of motherly love for all of us. It was the fine thread, along with my father and what he must feel if I gave in, that held me onto life... so I tell you, dear Preeti, NEVER GIVE UP. YOU owe it to your mother, to live life the best you can and fight every obstacle, every negative onslaught from this world and its ways, every time you face pessimism. I and thousands of others are privileged and grateful to God for bringing you into our lives.... BELIEVE in yourself ALWAYS.... If you like it too, watch the video again, as I did, putting yourself in this holy place and ask yourself, what is that one thing or person or activity in your life that gives you true bliss. I think we both know the answer: MA. For both of us, perhaps, our mothers are our fountainhead of inspiration, love, beauty and gentleness. You are lucky, Preeti, your mummy is still with you, and I know you must be feeling the distance across the seas and that is what cuts you up and makes you lose heart sometimes... Just hold on, and remember, she is only a thought away. A whispered prayer and her heart will resound with your love cos that is what a mother's heart is like, baby. She is always with us, even if not physically next to us, she can still hear the echoes of our heartbeat in the throbbing of her own pulse. God is like our mother too, full of love and compassion... I always picture him as my mother because I lost faith in Him and His compassion many years ago when I lost my mother to Cancer...

As a teenager, I remember crying into my pillow, for nights on end in high School, praying to Him to please bless us with a miracle and save her...spare her life... but then, how could He let His carefully sketched-out plan go to naught!?? He won and I lost my mother to His powers over 18 years ago, and  I have not prayed in the conventional sense....ever since. Even if I go to the temple or stand before an idol, all I see is the Idol. I find that my god is my mother's memory, her life as she lived it, bravely and gently, lovingly and stoically...
My God is now in the eyes of my children... In the sparkle of a patient's smile as they squeeze my hand and tell me I have helped, which, I reassure them, is what I am there for.

Which brings me to this important bit I wanted to say!! DO WHAT MAKES YOU TRULY HAPPY; whether it is sitting down and listening to music or going outside with a sketchbook and recording something....in your poetic prose, or as a drawing. The inner-being in us all has ONE PASSIONATE FIRE within...it could be burning for anything- or anyone. Until we let it consume our lives, our time, our hearts, we will be restless and unfulfilled, feeling lost when we feel down.

I feel that way a lot, lot, lot of the time, babe and that's why I can relate to you... What gets me going is my kids, and my work as a Carer at the Hospital. It's just that I cannot pursue my dream of riding my bike to the end of the world, peeping off the edge and taking photographs just yet! Gotta wait .wait longer for that till all my responsibilities are done and I'm, Inshallah, older but still able to do it..!! I need to find my SELF, as I know you have....! The message you sent me on facebook  made it personifies your dedicated love, care and heart-warming beauty for all those who are lucky to have met you, howsoever briefly, because you leave a lasting impression on hearts.


My little daughter Rani, 7, is with me and it is now early morning... (I've been up since before first light today) reading your message and writing to you... Rani cried with me, as we held each other; she cried because she had reawakened from a bad dream and I did because it is unbearable to watch her cry to me when I woke up and walked downstairs where she was sleeping with a friend (we had a friend's two kids stay over so she could have some time to go out). I found her near the foot of the stairs, silently sobbing, and scooped her up to take her with me...

Moments later, she said "Mummy, I was missing you..." Now, nestled under the crook of my arm, she is watching me write, sorry, type this. I told her about your message and we both cried again, until she said , "Mummy, where is she!!?? When can I see her??! I want to give her a big hug and say thank you for being YOU." Rani wishes that there were no bad people in  the world and that all good people are always happy, and that nothing would make them sad.

As she puts, it, THEY are GOOD PEOPLE, they deserve to be happy. ALWAYS.
Amen to that! This is from the me and Rani (Shivu is sleeping with her Daddy tonight, to keep stress away from her) : for you... and me... and the child in all of us...Maa.
Be Happy and stay BLESSED, always. You inspire me and make me feel special, Preetikins. I am always with you, right there with you in spirit. You are and always will be my soul mate- my spiritual sister... and I want you to know how much you mean to me. Love you forever....
infinitely...
eternally yours,
-ruchi
6-10-2013
0522 Hrs

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